Being organized and prepared helps tremendously and will make things simpler and easier so you can remain collected and calm. Making a to do list keeps your tasks in front of you rather than chasing you down. I know the most important aspect about the holidays is FEELING ORGANIZED. In order to feel organized you want to work on your attitude, get enough sleep, eat healthily, drink plenty of water, breath well, get some sunshine, have your home in order, and of course have good elimination. Stomach troubles during the holidays can make you miserable. Watching portions of sugar and fat intake will make a huge difference in how you feel. Everything above in this list are necessities except "attitude", but attitude is VERY important.
I think the three most important rules of having holidays with family, friends and partners and sometimes foes are:
1. Hear no Evil- Don't listen to or participate in gossip.
2 Speak no Evil- Don't talk about other people behind their back or say negative things to others. You are not the judge and jury.
3 See no Evil- Take yourself out of the middle of ugly. You are not the referee. See the good in those around you.
Most people get triggered in one way or another during the upheaval holiday season. There is no ifs, ands or buts about it, holidays entertain opinions, judgements and ideas about who you will sit with, and who you would rather not sit by. But we get together anyway, and make it peaceful and fun or painful and sad, joyful and festive or irritating and tiresome. It is a choice you want to think about NOW. What will this holiday season bring to you and your loved ones?
I wish for you only the best of yourself, your health, your home, your family's love and understanding, and the happiest holiday season possible.
Family means so much today. Are you a nuclear family or unclear, blended, enmeshed (tied at the hips, and overly involved with everyone's biz), disengaged (don't talk most of the year), loud, quiet, angry, loving, interesting, religious, spiritual, fun, boring, zany, scary, safe, healthy or unhealthy, or some of all of the above?
Think about what your family symbolizes to you and get a clear picture of how you view your family. DON'T THINK ABOUT HOW OTHERS VIEW YOU! It will make you uncomfortable to project other's opinions about you onto yourself. You may guess at what other's think about you, but you may be wrong. Ask yourself, is it really important how they view me? No, it is important how you behave in the moment. People may hold grudges from the past, but that is about THEM. Be your best self in the moment. When someone is insensitive, and puts you down, send them love and be on your best behavior, and do not become judgmental because they cannot control their bad behavior. STAY CALM AND COLLECTED AT ALL TIMES, EVEN WHEN YOU WANT TO SCREAM! If you are the one who is holding the grudge figure out how that is working for you, and if it is creating an angry you find out how to work through it. Get some help! Anger is a killer!
Understanding your family / friends / partners is the basis of understanding yourself. Understanding yourself helps you put each person into perspective. Being non-judgmental is so important for family affairs to coast rather than to combust.
I know from experience how people can be instigators so they can make you look foolish. Look for signs of someone goading you. When you see someone tripping you up, get out of their way. They are on a war path. Don't fight it no matter what. Be the bigger person. Shine like a bright star instead of a falling star. Say words that uplift instead of tear down, and for pete's sake do a time out on yourself when you start losing control of your mood.
I have been on both sides of the coin in family situations, and neither are comfortable for me. I know it takes some practice to go into difficult situations. Practice now, prepare yourself starting now. Ask to be Good for the holidays!
Being humble and quiet, instead of confrontative or challenging, is not my forte. I am the black sheep, I am the educated, I am the over-achiever, I am sometimes very annoying, I have been the victim, and I have been judgmental, I am emotional and passionate, I can see through people's stuff, and can be guarded. I can also choose to be nice, kind, passive, empowered, down to earth, open, people focused, forgiving and understanding. I will choose the latter this season and keep you posted.
What will you be like during the holidays? Good or bad?
Write me about your coping strategies for a better holiday season please and I will post on my next blog article!
Marla Stone earned her BA in Psychology and a Master's in Social Work and is the owner of www.I-Deal-Lifestyle.com Professional Organizer, Lifestyle Coach, Business Advisor, Decor and Feng Shui Specialist