"I need", "I need", "I need", "I need", also known as "I have to", is todays most popular human phrase known to man. I hear "I need" in most conversations every time I have one. We are NEEDLING ourselves to death! Also the other favorite saying is "I feel", but unfortunately it is never followed by a feeling (adjective), but rather a thought. Our use of the English language is wallowing in need and feeling for better language skills. Could it be we are losing our ability to communicate due to our infatuation with TV and Computer Based Social Networking and games?
We ONLY need to BREATHE, EAT, DRINK, SLEEP, GO TO THE BATHROOM, AND HAVE SHELTER. We can ONLY feel feelings or materials. When we are talking about "feely" feelings though we are talking about adjectives or three main categories, HAPPY, SAD, MAD. Happy, sad and mad are pretty huge headings and there are thousands of adjectives that fall underneath them. So why are our language skills narrowing down to "I need" to go shopping, clean up, get the laundry done, go to the market, call a friend, get the mail and take the kids out for ice cream. Why can't we either want to or not want to do those chores? Well probably because "we feel" we have to, instead of feeling overwhelmed, frustrated, unmotivated or excited, enthused or crazed about our day's plans.
Could we be mind fogged and not speaking our thoughts out correctly because we are addicted to the mindLESS. Perhaps we are losing our language skills due to too much television, Facebook, EBAY, Craigslist, Video Games, fear of intimacy, inability to know what we feel and or what we actually want or don't want. Are we stuck in a groove? Are you feeling groovy when you are in a virtual space?
While I was a therapist for a very long time I coped with television after a long day of seeing clients.
I hadn't stepped into the Facebook, EBAY, or any of the Viral Realms yet. I was addicted to my shows, all taped on my taperoo thingy. NO COMMERCIALS made it so easy, and saweet for my favorites.
I would feel my heart beat when the theme songs would start, Medium, House, the Detective Shows, even Antiques Road show. Oprah was MY "therapist", and Dr. Phil, well he was either correct or incorrect in my book....as he did say "I feel" a lot and didn't follow up with an adjective and on other days he really gave it to the people straight. I didn't even have to watch the news because The View broke it down. I knew I was in trouble when I added Desperate Housewives to the repetoire. Day after Day sitting in my therapist chair, and night after night on the big couch with the clicker, changer...whatever you call it. I saw someone else's lives passing before my eyes, but I was happy in TV Land.
When I decided to change my profession I knew I would WANT to stop watching TV. I didn't HAVE to since no one was going to take my TV away or put me on restriction. I wanted to stop since I knew that I WANTED a LIFE, I didn't HAVE to get one! So it went something like this. Stopped watching TV, found EBAY and sold a bunch of stuff I wasn't using and because I didn't WANT the stuff anymore. But first I had to realize I didn't NEED the stuff. Then I found YOUTUBE.com, learned about how to apply makeup and any other possible subject I thought of, until I realized I could go into YOUTUBE land. Stopped YOUTUBE cold turkey and then found FACEBOOK. Wow real friends? on FACEBOOK, virtually. Amazing, drawn in immediately....I found everyone on the planet I could think of and they were there and I could connect. Marvelous until I'm bleary eyed and can't think of another person to contact. Now left with a virtual experience of friendship but like the voyeur in all of us still mesmerized. I realized though that I WANTED a time limit so I could still continue to grow my new business, write, public speak and most of all act....all that comprises my "actual life".
At this stage in the game my values are the same as they have always been. I want to help myself grow, stay healthy, be happy, and I want to help others do the same. I really love to live my life, have a great partnership, have goals, create a wonderful daily life, be creative, see my real life friends, make new real life friends, visit family, go on vacations, walk and play with my dog. Pretty simple, but it is what I want. What I don't want is to hear people tell me what they NEED or HAVE to do if it is not life threatening. I want people to tell me what they WANT OR DON'T WANT TO DO and how they feel with feelings not thoughts. I also love people to share their thoughts. Those are the real conversations that make me feel whole, connected, joyous and fulfilled. So study what you want or don't want in your life and how you will achieve it all and GET YOUR FEELINGS STRAIGHT AND YOUR LIFE WILL STRAIGHTEN OUT!
Marla Stone, Professional Organizer, Lifestyle Coach, Feng Shui and Decor Specialist, Author, Actress
CALL FOR A FREE 30 MINUTE CONSULTATION NOW!
Well we are headed into 2017 with many new changes on the horizon. I wish you the best holiday season ever. Whether your happy or unhappy, healthy or unhealthy please remember to have the best attitude, diet, health regimes and positive relationships you can possibly muster up. When you compare life to a radish, it can be bitter and sweet at the same time. But if you didn't have the bitter you also wouldn't know the sweet, now would you. You
will NEVER get rid of ALL the tumult in your life, but I will offer some things to make it sweeter for 2017. And wow doesn't that year sound ominous 2017!!
Since the New Year is coming many of us have a conscious or unconscious desire to improve ourselves. You may have even written a list
of resolutions. I love the word resolution. Simply, it means to re-solve areas
of our lives that are not working. One of my favorite sayings as a lifestyle coach is "so how is that working for you”? I use that phrase when people ruminate over the negative aspects of their lives, as if talking fervently about their woes somehow solve self and life issues. Rarely does just talking change or transform something that bothers us. It is the action that follows the thought that will change our behavior and our lives. Even cognitive restructuring, a popular therapytechnique, is just a band aid, if a new behavior doesn't
With all the wisdom and ideas I collected throughout
the years, of helping people, I will share a list of my favorites with you. I
will also talk about ideas for improved health, wealth and lifestyle in
Ideas and Thoughts for 2017
If you push you fall.
Take the path of least resistance….it is always easier.
There are rules to relationships, but you and no one else can make them and follow them.
You are living your life like a hamster. You keep going round and round but you are not going anywhere.
We only need air, food, water, shelter, sleep, elimination and sunlight, the seven things that keep us alive. In some cases medication is a need to stay alive, although many choose not to comply with medication and they still live, but not in a healthy way. Anything that keeps us alive is a have to or a need. We either want or don't want to do everything else.
We either want a new beautiful home or we don't want a new beautiful home. Our home is only a need when the elements are going to kill us but a larger, more beautiful home is not a need, its a desire. We want to re-decorate or we don't. Those things are not needs! Watch the difference between have to, need to and or want or don't want to. We don't have to go shopping, clean our homes, care for the people in our lives, or even pay taxes. We either want to or don't want to. If there is something you don't want to do, but doing it would keep you out of trouble,then understand why you will do something that you don't want to do. For instance "I don't want to go to work, but I will since it will benefit my lifestyle and my family". If you find yourself loathing the job, admit that you don't like it, and that will be the first step to change. Admit the
things that are not working for you. After you admit what doesn't work, use
the decision making chart in my previous blog to identify a new coping
strategy to change what does not work.
Go to Therapy and or Get a Life Coach. Two heads are better then one.
Stop blaming others or past situations and stay in the now! The only
person listening to that kind of ranting and raving is you, and it will not
solve anything. We cannot change the past. Your present self, health and your thoughts are the home you live in...it is your consciousness that is your home.
When you are thinking about the past or future you are not in the now.
Grip something tangible, like your wall or table and get fixed on the now and stay
present. The wall is here now! Don't talk to the wall just hold
on until you can get into the present.
My mom's favorite saying "it takes two to tango"...don't know who made it up...but that is the case. If you are having a disagreement with another person, there is a way to resolve it without getting steamed up. Sharing your feelings and validating them can usually settle down a negative situation. If you are having a difficult situation with yourself then there are two aspects of self fighting each other....that is still two! Share your feelings with yourself and validate yourself. EX: I feel misunderstood, bullied, manipulated etc..... but I am a strong and capable person who will compromise.
If you are upset with someone or something and have negative things to say....take that finger and point it towards yourself. Usually if you can see the negative in someone else it is because that trait is in you.
Eat healthy. Look at all the products in your pantry and pull and out and trash anything with corn syrup, chemicals, hydrogenated oils of any kind, ingredients you can't pronounce or identify, products high in salt and or sugar content, products with dye. Use half the amount of oil you usually do, cut back on sweets and foods high in fat content. You can’t believe how much dye is in children’s cereals and cookies. Eat citrus fruit daily, decrease consumption of flesh, and increase intake of vegetables.
Get a healthy water system installed in your home and drink healthy filtered water.
Exercise, even if it is difficult or inconvenient.
Decrease alcohol intake and STOP smoking! Am I starting to get annoying? Oh Well...these are just ideas/thoughts.
If you meet criteria for an addiction http://www.sis.indiana.edu/DSM-IV-Criteria.aspx
Meet with friends and family as much as possible, as long as they are supportive. People closest to you, your support system, usually know you better then you know yourself.
Have some kind of spiritual connection and practice being spiritual regularly in
Have one day per week with only positive thoughts.
Every time you think negatively, on that day, tap yourself on the shoulder and
say “stop”, and resume thinking
Have a wonderful
Marla Stone is a Professional
Her company www.i-deal-lifestyle.com offers
supportive services to families worldwide.
Okay, I'm sure the panic is just starting to creep up! It is inevitable, the holidays
are here! Hanukah and Christmas parties have already started. Cards are starting
to show up in the mail. You're feeling pressured to shop, clean, organize, cook
and get all the holiday gear out and up. I know because I am feeling it too.
I started preparing and getting things done earlier this year then
ever before, because I am 50 plus years old now, and I just can't afford to
stroke out over Santa and burnt out bulbs. I also decided to downsize some of
the hoopla. Instead of unpacking all the Christmas/Hanukah Holiday stuff, I kept it
simple and put out about half the trinkets and decor. I also strung only half
the lights around the house and garden then I normally would hang. I used the
tiniest fake Christmas tree for our official tree this year. Normally I make a
huge plate of Latkes (painstaking potato pancakes), and this year I bought
them from a woman who makes them way better then I do. Also Trader Joe's Latkes are spectacular.
In our home we celebrate Hanukah and Christmas so it can get complicated. This year I did
not let that happen. A Menorah here and a Santa there, not the gazillion
items I usually put out, and the house still looks, smells, and feels like
the holidays. And I feel more rested and at ease then I have ever felt during
these hectic holiday happenings.
When I have discussed with friends, family and clients about easing it up a
bit around the holidays I usually hear the heavy hearted whine about "doing it for the kids".
Well, let me tell you, having your kids watch you spaz out about what tree to buy,
where to put it, what to put on it, hunting down the dreidel from Aunt Ida, while drowning in butter cookie dough, is not what makes them feel warm and cuddly. Do you really think they are enjoying watching you have a merry melt down? No, the kids would rather see you relaxed, communicative and well MERRY. Take a sip of that good ol' fashion...ol' fashion.
In the ol' days, we just did not have that much stuff. We had one nice dress or suit to wear.
One dressy shoe choice to put on our feet. We had one tree, one Menorah, a few candles, one wreath, one Dreidel, and a very few presents around that tree, mostly consisting
of what we actually wanted like clothing, shoes, food items and necessities. The holiday celebration of today has become so large, fast and furious it is like a heart thumping
marathon, ending with a meal that would give most people heart pains and indigestion. It just starts to feel so overwhelming and stressful it takes the "holi" and of holiday and that leaves "day", just another day of stress, strategies and desire for sleep!
This year take it easy, and don't use the kids, Martha Stewart's latest Christmas articles, or the
neighbor’s neon holiday front yard displays as a push to push you over. I always say if you push, you fall. And remember we are going into another seasonal change....Winter.
Winter will be on December 21st, 2016 so enjoy the end of fall without falling down. Clown around more, talk to more friends on the phone instead of texting, have a holiday potluck dinner instead of putting in all on your shoulders and just sit with your kids and talk about the spiritual aspect of the holidays and why they started in the first place! Put things into perspective when it comes to spending and giving. Give to a charity, epecially the homeless around the holidays. Know how fortunate you are and have gratitude for a new year to come!
Marla Stone, Ideal
Marla is known as the organizing clutter therapist®. Marla earned her BA in Psychology and a Master's in Social Work and is the founder of I-Deal-Lifestyle, a Self and Space Organization Service.