Learning New Skills
Communicate The Rules, Guidelines, Responsibilities and Consequences for Negative Behavior With Your Child, Formally
Your child thrives on knowing what is expected of them. They love boundaries. It tells them their safe.
Discussion & Signing
Next is discussing the Rules, Guidelines, Responsibilities and Consequences and getting feedback from each child individually. Then having them sign what is agreed upon.
During this difficult period of sequestering, kids can become easily distracted, unfocused and difficult or disrespectful. When they start to misbehave, act out and are having appetite or sleep disturbance it is a good idea to start fresh on the rules, guidelines of the house and their behavior, responsibilities and the consequences for negative behavior. Consequences are take aways such as no phone, video games or television.
To be fair to your child getting everything listed on a chart helps everyone to understand what is expected.
Create a Chart with headings below and create lists under each category.
RULES RESPONSIBILITIES CONSEQUENCES
ONCE THE LISTS ARE AGREED UPON, HAVE THE CHILD SIGN THEIR CHART.
Sharing Feelings About Negative Behaviors and Validating Your Child In A Respectful Way
USING ASSERTIVE COMMUNICATION BY SHARING FEELINGS AND VALIDATING YOUR CHILD WHEN NEGATIVE BEHAVIORS OCCUR WILL STOP BAD BEHAVIOR WITHIN WEEKS.
When your child breaks rules, doesn’t fulfill their responsibilities it is time to warn them about the consequences. Giving your child a warning before taking the phone, video games, or tv programs away is only fair. Using assertive communication is the way to do it. Using “I feel” statements followed by assertive communication as described in “The Clutter Remedy: A Guide To Getting Organized For Those Who Love Their Stuff” is the simplest way to stop bad behavior in its tracks.
The Clutter Remedy Assertive Communication Strategy
Creating Good Behavior
“When you tell a child they’re bad they will be bad. When you tell a child they’re good they will be good.” Marla Stone, MSW
The Clutter Remedy is a book I wrote to help people declutter negative emotions, clear and heal old wounds, and of course organize their homes and offices. The book shares easy strategies to stay organized and most importantly how to communicate as a family while sharing space respectfully. When there is inner chaos there will be outer chaos. The way a home is set up and kept is a reflection of the inner self.
In the book I describe a strategy for communicating in a way that will change negative behavior into positive behavior within a weeks time. It is uncanny how it works and very effective especially for children. Here are some positive and negative examples of what this will sound like. Imagine a parent and child in which the parent is frustrated by a mess that is largely made by the child. Using assertive language and validation, the frustrated parent can say:
I feel upset about the piles of paper all over the living room. I would like the papers to be moved elsewhere, so the living room remains neat. I know you are working hard and you are tired and have been working hard on your homework. I love you and know that you have good intentions and want an orderly home, too. In this example, the parent first describes their feelings using an “I” statement, rather than a “you” statement (such as, “you make me upset when . . .”). Using assertive language, the parent describes the reason for their feelings and the preferred outcome. Then they shift to validation: The parent expresses caring and understanding of the child, and validates the child’s good intentions. When a particular challenge can’t be immediately resolved, you will become more assertive in a respectful way and start to establish and maintain the boundaries and ultimately give out the consequences. Getting everyone on track and on the organizing train, and to be the conductor of their own life, takes insight, creative strategy, and know-how.
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Marla is known as the Declutter Your Strategy™ expert. Marla earned her BA in Psychology and a Master's in Social Work and is the founder of