Bringing in the Holidays with Those You Love and Don't Love so Much by Marla Stone
Summer is over with Labor Day passed and Halloween coming up. Everyone can feel confident that Autumn is here, and with the holidays approaching once again. Holidays usually involve family or those very close to us. Celebrations will also bring some pleasant feelings such as joy, exhilaration, and fun, and some not so pleasant feelings such as depression, anxiety and fear.
Family is the biggest trigger for any unresolved challenges to start coming up, and holidays are the second biggest trigger. There is always a bit of residual stuff that will come up around the holidays but there are great coping strategies as well. We don't choose family during our lives but we will make the best of any situation, with effort, and work towards healing any and all splits and sour notes that may have played out in the past. Also knowing we cannot control the way others treats us, and control other people's behavior, is essential for finding a peaceful inner self skating through the holiday season and beyond.
With family disharmony you want to move forward knowing your hands are not tied but rather reaching out to those that treat you well, with unconditional love and regard. You don't want to subject yourself to people who have malicious intent, lie and call you crazy, yet during the holiday season, often, we are left in the same room with such a brood. Knowing you are not responsible for anyone else's happiness except your own is the key to keeping the peace and solace that these times are supposed to be all about.
Engaging in any highly charged discussions, subjects or talks is not a good idea. Loaded topics such as politics or healthcare will not be valuable ways to keep the peace. Neutral subjects ideas such as what everyone did for the summer, new ideas and inventions, decorating ideas for the home, books you enjoyed, talks about upcoming fun events or even about self growth will be beneficial and interesting for everyone. Anyone not interested in neutral or fun subjects and wants to pout around and be "scrooge like" will tend to not be engaged. It is not anyone's responsibility to cater to obstinance and martyr like behavior. Leave that person to their own demise. Eventually if you don't pay attention to negative behavior, the person will either leave on their own, or finally involve themselves willingly.
If someone is a jerk, you could be the world’s best person and they still won't respect or praise you. You can apologize when apology is due, bring gifts, remind them of all your kind acts, be there when they are down, and it will not bring them to the light of their cruel and brazen ways.
You do not apologize to be forgiven. You apologize to make amends and be the bigger person. If apologies go unaccepted know that you put your best foot out there, and be patient. Perhaps the wind of change takes time. When you realize there is no making nice, nice with difficult and stubborn family members understand that loving yourself, keeping your head up high and aligning with those that love you unconditionally is your best bet. As Jesus said "don't throw your pearls to the swine".
If someone that is supposed to love you picks on you, you could change your hair, lose weight, become wealthier, visit more often and nothing will satisfy them. Satisfying others above yourself is never a good idea. Becoming a satisfied, loving, accepting, productive and purposeful human being is what is very important. Like attracts like. So if you are not attracting particular people in your family or in life know that is a sign that they are very "unlike" you.
If a "friend" is always complaining about what you did and what you didn’t do, you could give them everything and they still will not change. It is a choice to not change and always was and always will be. Stay connected with people who give you kudos, who are reciprocal and non-judgmental. You will only be barked at and cajoled so much without wanting to retreat and go to your safe and special place where you thrive, grow kinder and more loving.
Thinking and wishing that people who have hurt you will change is like changing the color of your eyes, it is not possible. More importantly is opening your eyes to your own change and growth and self protection and that is divine. Creating your path, with your values and having visions, just the way you want it laid out is a great place exercise for well being.
Thinking you can control other people's behavior, is a trap that will take you time to climb out of. Knowing you cannot change people to become better human beings saves you a lot of time and energy. Keep all that fabulous energy to yourself and for the people in your life that deserve it the most.
Marla Stone, MSW is a Lifestyle Coach, Professional Self and Space Organizer, Designer and Feng Shui Specialist. www.i-deal-lifestyle.com is a Professional Organizing, Lifestyle Coach, Decor and Feng Shui business in California. Located in Venice, Santa Monica, Newport Beach, Irvine, San Clemente, Santa Barbara and San Francisco. We serve Southern and Northern California and beyond via Skype, telephone and email.
Call 949-709-7000 for a free 30 minute consultation.
Feng Shui in Southern California, Orange County, Los Angeles and San Diego is most magical and mystical when practiced by Marla Stone, MSW, Lifestyle Coach, Feng Shui and Decor Specialist. Marla's background as a Psychotherapist and Social Worker, plus her years of experience as a Professional Organizer, and 25 years of practicing Feng Shui, allow her to go through your home effectively giving advice and suggestions so your home and office space will have better energy and flow. Marla claims "using Feng Shui as a template for organizing makes it interesting and puts some structure and zing into the effect of the end result."
Marla Stone, I-Deal-Lifestyle, Professional Organizer, will help you learn how to Feng Shui your home, bookcases, built-ins and your desk. She explains that "Feng Shui is an ancient artistic practice of placing objects in your home in a special way to create balance and harmony, wellness, prosperity, romance, friendships, family harmony, health, creativity and wisdom". If you don't think it is real, Marla will tell you "it is". She sees how people naturally, actually, Feng Shui without even ever knowing it existed. Her expertise in moving furniture around and placing your decor in special places immediately has an effect on the occupants of the home or office.
A Feng Shui Template divides your home into 9 separate but equal areas. These areas are called Baguas. Imagine this bagua map as a template you could place over your floor plan. If you have two or more stories to your home, the template is used for each floor individually. If your home is a perfect square or rectangular shape it will be very easy to locate the different baguas. If your home is not a perfect rectangular shape then you may have "missing" parts to your home that would have to be “built up” with Feng Shui ideas in order to maintain balance and harmony.
Feng Shui can be a fun and an interesting motivator for purging and organizing a large collection and or a hoarding situation that has become life threatening. Feng Shui or as many think Fung Shway will also serve as a great tool just to have fun. It may just increase your wealth, fame, love and relationships, children‘s well being, family togetherness, health, skills and knowledge, career, wisdom and travel. Think of moving your items around and appointing meaning to the movement as part of the "law of attraction".
Below is a list of Feng Shui tips that you can start to use now.
FENG SHUI TIPS
1. Clean Windows. Like your eyes are the windows of the soul, windows are the eyes of your home. When you have dirty windows it is a symbol that your vision is blinded and cloudy. Clean windows help you see all your potential and opportunities clearly. You will have a clear horizon ahead.
2. Replace Burned Out Light Bulbs Or Broken Lamps Or Lights. You cannot see your future prospects if your lamps and lights and bulbs are burnt out. It also means you are burnt out. Get your lighting straight and see your bright and favorable life ahead of you.
3. Tighten Knobs, Door Handles, and Bathroom Faucets. When you have loose handles you lose your grip. Everything just slips away and you can’t hold onto money, friends, family or anything you’re working on wrapping your arms around or your brain for that matter.
4. Make Sure You Have Healthy and Live Plants, Not Dead Ones. Dead plants are dead energy. Always have lively and happy plants that are well watered and fed. Fame, recognition, expansion, financial prosperity and health depend on healthy living things in your home and office.
5. Keep Toilet Lids Down And Drains Covered. Leave toilet seats down in order to protect your chi (energy) from going down the drain. You don’t want to flush away or drain your wealth, knowledge, health or other valuables down the toilet. Keep a lid on all toilets, and close the drains while not using, and close the door to all bathrooms when you leave.
6. Nothing Under The Bed. Storing items of any kind under your bed will not make for a restful and peaceful slumber. You will be restless. All that stuff, stuffed under the bed, is hindering your dream state and your waking life. It symbolizes underlying issues which you cannot sort through.
7. Clean Mirrors. When your mirrors are dirty you cannot see yourself clearly. It is impossible for anyone else to see you if you cannot see yourself. Plus, like my mother always said when we would see someone who looked disheveled, “Did they look in the mirror this morning?” When your mirrors are sprayed with toothpaste and dirt you cannot attract what you desire in life. You will miss out on clear opportunities, people and self understanding.
8. Clean Front Door. This is the first thing people see when they come to your home and it represents the beginning with you. Energy comes in and out of our doors and windows. Your front door area when clean brings positive energy and when dirty and unattractive repels abundance. Put some purple flowers near the front door and bring abundance.
9. Nothing Behind Doors. Having items and mirrors or pictures or anything behind a door means you have a hidden agenda. It also blocks free passage for new blocked doors represent blocked opportunities; remove anything that keeps doors from opening completely and you will expand your options.
10. Fix Drips and Leaks. Leaking water represents leaking wealth; fix your leaks and you will keep money from draining out of your life.
History of Feng Shui
"I don't have to believe in Feng Shui, but I use it because it makes me money."
- Donald Trump
Feng Shui History-Marla Stone
Feng Shui is as old as old, as it is documented from nearly 4000 years ago. The beginning of Feng Shui starts with the “Wu Chi” which means “primal energy”. The ancient Chinese understood that ALL things in the universe have energy or “spirit”. They looked at the material aspects of life with a dualistic viewpoint; nothing and everything, full and empty, rapid motion and stillness, and finally the symbol Yin/Yang was created. The understanding of the patterns of change and how time affects ALL things, the philosophy and wisdom cyclical forces of the planet into what is now known as Feng Shui. It is said that a tortoise shell was seen by the River Lo, and markings on the “dragon horse” displayed a relationship to numerology; an understanding that there are patterns, sequences, cycles and energies or elements which we can observe and fluctuate to determine our course of life over time. As time went on many different teachings of Feng Shui developed and then it was discovered by the British. The British whispered and spread the word of Feng Shui to the West as they sailed back from Hong Kong to their native land. Easterners and Westerners have been applying Feng Shui to their love of constructing buildings and homes ever since. The phrase Feng Shui means Wind and Water, the most basic forms of energy. In China and in Britain, having a view of the ocean, a river, stream lake or pond can bring prosperity as long as it is in front of the dwelling. The Feng Shui Consultant concentrates on the land surrounding and beneath your construction, how the building or home is constructed, the birth time of your dwelling, the direction it faces, and how all the items in the space are placed. If everything is done in accordance with “the wind and the water”, and the harmony and energy of the site, and the building and items in the building are in balance, then and only then can you bring and keep “good chi” or “good energy” to and in the dwelling. The elements placed in the building or home, identified carefully by the Feng Shui Consultant, are symbols of water, wood, fire, metal or water. The back of a turtle, with the divided squares on its shell, symbolizes the separate areas or squares of the dwelling. The building or home’s floor plan is divided into separate areas or squares and each square or “bagua” symbolizes either career, skills &knowledge, helping people, family, health, children & creativity, prosperity, fame &recognition or love &relationships. The way the constructed site lies, whether it is on flat, hilly or mountainous terrain, near water, facing north, south, east or west, where the trees are on the property, and or any wires, buildings, roads, traffic or train tracks, noise or disturbance all determines how the elements will be placed in the squares of the garden and dwelling.
Here are a dozen things you can do, in 10 minutes at a time, to reduce clutter.
1. Test all of your pens and markers and get rid of the “dead” ones, then sharpen all of your pencils.
2. Arrange the hangers in your closet so they all face the same way. If possible, replace all the wire hangers with more substantial ones.
3. Wipe the dust from the leaves of your plants, both natural plants and silk, and get rid of dried flowers since they represent dead energy.
4. Download the pictures from your digital camera and store them on your computer or on a disk.
5. Remove the outdated photos and notes from the refrigerator door and kitchen bulletin board.
6. Get rid of three things from your refrigerator that are old, expired, crystallized, or “fuzzy.”
7. Remove the ATM slips, receipts, candy wrappers, expired coupons, and other junk from your purse or briefcase.
8. Arrange the bills in your wallet so they all face the same way, in order of value, because disregard for your money represents disregard for your wealth.
9. Go through your bathroom medicine cabinet and throw away all expired prescriptions, sunscreen, vitamins, and supplements.
10. Place that bag of clothes to be donated right near the door so you will take it with you the next time you leave the house.
11. Open the filing cabinet or file drawer in your home office and pull out five files you no longer need, then shred the contents.
12. Go through your stack of magazines, rip out the articles you really want to read, and then recycle what’s left of the magazine.
Get started now and if you want a free 30 minute phone consult with Marla Stone please call 949-709-7000
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Marla is known as the Declutter Your Strategy™ expert. Marla earned her BA in Psychology and a Master's in Social Work and is the founder of