Learning New Skills
Communicate The Rules, Guidelines, Responsibilities and Consequences for Negative Behavior With Your Child, Formally
Discussion & Signing
To be fair to your child getting everything listed on a chart helps everyone to understand what is expected.
Create a Chart with headings below and create lists under each category.
RULES RESPONSIBILITIES CONSEQUENCES
ONCE THE LISTS ARE AGREED UPON, HAVE THE CHILD SIGN THEIR CHART.
Sharing Feelings About Negative Behaviors and Validating Your Child In A Respectful Way
The Clutter Remedy Assertive Communication Strategy
Creating Good Behavior
The Clutter Remedy is a book I wrote to help people declutter negative emotions, clear and heal old wounds, and of course organize their homes and offices. The book shares easy strategies to stay organized and most importantly how to communicate as a family while sharing space respectfully. When there is inner chaos there will be outer chaos. The way a home is set up and kept is a reflection of the inner self.
In the book I describe a strategy for communicating in a way that will change negative behavior into positive behavior within a weeks time. It is uncanny how it works and very effective especially for children. Here are some positive and negative examples of what this will sound like. Imagine a parent and child in which the parent is frustrated by a mess that is largely made by the child. Using assertive language and validation, the frustrated parent can say:
I feel upset about the piles of paper all over the living room. I would like the papers to be moved elsewhere, so the living room remains neat. I know you are working hard and you are tired and have been working hard on your homework. I love you and know that you have good intentions and want an orderly home, too. In this example, the parent first describes their feelings using an “I” statement, rather than a “you” statement (such as, “you make me upset when . . .”). Using assertive language, the parent describes the reason for their feelings and the preferred outcome. Then they shift to validation: The parent expresses caring and understanding of the child, and validates the child’s good intentions. When a particular challenge can’t be immediately resolved, you will become more assertive in a respectful way and start to establish and maintain the boundaries and ultimately give out the consequences. Getting everyone on track and on the organizing train, and to be the conductor of their own life, takes insight, creative strategy, and know-how.
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