 Well it IS that time of year again, the family holidays. Eating seems to be the theme and of course visiting with family you either love a bunch or maybe not so much. Also the wonderful mixture of 20 different foods in your stomach at Thanksgiving and or your pocket book screaming from holiday shopping. Never-the-less the family holidays are showing up. Some of you, I know, would just like to fast forward to New Year's Eve and pop the cork. Others of you just love, love, love the holidays wanting to pull out every last stitch of decorating you can possibly summon up to put everywhere in your homes. To each their own, but the key to getting through the holidays with a chipper and upbeat step is feeling organized, not just being, but feeling organized. So you may ask what is the difference between feeling and being organized. Well the answer is simple; "feelings" are feelings, like overwhelmed, frightened, mad, glad, happy, sad etc.... According to Merriam Webster dictionary ORGANIZED synonyms are neat, orderly, methodical, regular systematic, systematized, and the antonyms are disorganized, haphazard, hit-or-mis, immethodical (did not know that was a word), irregular, nonsystematic, patternless, planless, systemless, unstystematic, just to give you an idea. I sum up "being organized" by stating "it is a way of approaching life, with a plan, to have as simple, easy and fun a life as possible, without a lot of hassle and frustration. Also being organized is the ability to access your stuff quickly and efficiently. You don't want to have to go digging through things to find that Thanksgiving Platter, upsetting the apple cart along the way. So if you think that this little bit of time, until the holidays arrive, does not require some cleaning, editing of belongings, getting things in order, with some kind of method and or system, you may start to feel irregular, disorganized, overwhelmed and fatigued. You will NOT "FEEL" organized. On the other hand if you live in a bubble of oblivion, go ahead don't plan, don't clean, or cook, and for goodness sake don't get organized. Decide now whether you’re going to have a hit-or-miss holiday season so you can spare yourself the yucky haphazard feelings. Decide where and how you will celebrate the holidays in just your own special way. You may decide not to cook and instead purchase the food from a restaurant or market. You can consider going out to a nice restaurant for the holidays, to relatives and or friends. Whatever you decide still takes planning so with just weeks away figure out what really will work for you so that is will be enjoyable. Or you can simply run and you can hide from the holidays....I give you permission. There is nothing wrong with dodging all the drama and taking a road trip, traveling, and or hiding under the covers. It's okay to just ignore the whole season if you choose. Let's face it, certain beliefs don't celebrate any holidays or special occasions and they are not struck down by lightening. Remember the two largest triggers for depression, anxiety, mood disorders, addiction and health challenges are FAMILY AND THE HOLIDAYS. Mix them together and it can be a fiasco. You can either make it a hit or a miss, and it is totally up to you. For those of you with "ideal" families who mostly get along and cherish the warmth, magic and loveliness of the holiday spirit you will want to feel and be organized in some manner or another, whether you are the host/hostess or the guest. Here are some tips for this season.
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 Awhile back I wrote an article called Organize Your Relationship (Part1) at http://www.i-deal-lifestyle.com/1/post/2011/10/organize-your-relationship-part-1-by-marla-stone-lifestyle-coach.html I took some time to write part 2, wanting to give the most important steps I could think of, for having a long lasting, mutually satisfying and loving relationship, and this is what I came up with to help you. The secret to a wonderful relationship is R.E.S.P.E.C.T.. When there is RESPECT and a mutual admiration going between couples it just makes sense to be with each other. Once respect is gone so is the love of being together. Respect means respect. You don't cross your partner's boundaries. You nuture autonomy in each other. You are not being bossy, controlling and a know it all. The best way to know what respect means is to look it up and read about the meaning of the word. Also knowing the antonyms of the word respect is really very helpful. The next thing is EXCITEMENT. There is nothing worse than having "coupledum" syndrome, meaning dull and dumb meaningless life has set in to destroy the sparks and energy that keep the fire of love burning, the torch high and moving fast. Watching tv night after night, going to the same restaurant time after time, ordering the same menu item, getting into a groove, thinking your are groovy, having the same reminscent conversations over and over, having sex in the same position week after week, never adding new activities into your schedule gets OLD. Being spontaneous, thinking of ways to surprise your partner, in a good way, livening things up with new activities and stories about your life, your thoughts, going on vacation to far out places together, and having something interesting to talk about make for a better, more eventful relationship. We've all seen the couples sitting in restaurants eating their food, with blank stares and absolutely not a word between them. Yikes, don't go there. Keep motivated to think of new ideas for engaging with your partner in fun and exciting ways. Next for a relationship to have the ultimate in intimacy is obviously SEX. A sexless relationship is one without passion, pleasure and could lead not only to mental and medical health challenges, but emotional and mental torture. Sex also can be many different things besides intercourse. It could be sensual touching, masturbation, petting etc.... It's not all about a wild pony ride, but the aspect of physical intimacy is as important to a relationship as water to a plant. Anyone who says they can live without sex is lying. We are sexual beings and even babies masturbate.Get over your barriers and frigidity and start enjoying the free pleasures of sex together. Check out the couple who, after a sexless marriage had sex 365 days in a row at http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/features/365-nights-of-sex-can-it-strengthen-a-marriage. My mom always had a funny saying about staying sexually fit..."if you don't use it you lose it". The next step to having a great relationship is PATIENCE. When Chaucer wrote in Canterbury Tales 1386, "patience is a virtue" he knew what he was talking about. Look, a relationship is a bit like a roller coaster, since humans have what are called, moods. Think of moods like you would think of the weather. Sometimes we are sunny and sometimes we are soggy. I have a friend when asked "how are you?", answers "fair to partly cloudy". Being upset with your partner, thinking you will call it quits, and wanting to run away as far as possible does creep into every individual's mind at times. Knowing that people fluctuate with their emotions and thoughts and giving your partner a break, taking a deep breath and seeing how the next day or week pans out, usually will rectify and reunite you in a new fashion. Being patient enough to see how a relationship grows, sprouts and blooms is all part of the relationship. Having the insight to know change is scary but a great path to take while having the calm and fortitude to face it makes for a relationship with insight and vision. COMMUNICATION is the key to success for any long lasting relationship. Communicate, communicate, communicate and you will actually know what is going on between you and your partner. Otherwise your relationship may be based on false pretenses, magical thinking (grandiose thoughts that are purely fantasy, not reality) and loneliness. I have met individuals, when I did couple's counseling, that actually didn't even know their partner's birthday, spontaneously, where they were born or what their partner’s childhood was like, and these are people that were married a very long time. It was sad sitting with two uncomfortable strangers. They had never taken the time to actually have deep and fulfilling conversations. Usually that occurs with people that have deep intimacy challenges and perhaps suffer from intense introversion. There is nothing worse than having a relationship between two deeply anxious introverts, unless it is two deeply disturbed narcissistic extroverts. Communication always starts with sharing feelings such as hurt, unloved, irritated, uncomfortable, sad, mad, glad, misunderstood etc..... and then you must validate your partner. See my article on keeping clutter free to learn more about communicating with your partner at http://www.i-deal-lifestyle.com/1/post/2012/07/is-someones-clutter-getting-in-between-you-and-your-world-marla-stone.html Finally last but not least is TRUST in you, your partner and the relationship itself to have the ultimate in partnerships. I would say the most valuable thing in a relationship is having a trusting relationship with yourself. If you are not following your own truth, your ideal path, living your ideal lifestyle, adhering to your own values, but rather lying to yourself, being unclear about who you are, what you want in life, and not knowing what you actually value in life, then you are not ready to be truthful, faithful, ideal or valuable to a partner or partnership. Let's face it, if you value a monogamous relationship and you are cheating on your partner, look out for a big kick in the butt and at the very least a dreadful, abhorent existence. You can only make it your partner's problem for a short period of time before they will suspect that you are not being who you say you are. Also if you are unhappy in your career, choice of life goals and or your appearance, and your partner has to hear you whine about your unhappy self, day in and day out, trust will break down into disgust instead. If you are not in touch, in tune with self and can't trust your thoughts, words and actions, then how is your partner supposed to feel trusting of themselves to be with you. I really dislike when someone says "trust me". I don't think you EVER give your trust away, but rather you either feel trusting with others or you don't. If you don't feel a trusting feeling with your partner first find out if you even trust yourself. If you do realize you have great faith and trust in self and you still feel distrustful of your partner then get some clarity about why you are feeling that way. It is okay to poke and prod about in conversations with your partner to get CLARITY on your thoughts and feelings. Don't be afraid to communicate your feelings of distrust with your partner, for fear of losing the relationship, since you are already in fact losing the relationship if you don't feel trust with the partner. Finally, if you believe your relationship, is in jeapordy don't hesitate to go to a life coach, marriage coach and or for couple's counseling. Don't be the person that says "I don't need to go". Your correct, you don't "need" to go, you have to "want" to go, if you are interested in getting back to the path of love. Look for Part 3 soon! Marla Stone, MSW, Professional Organizer, Lifestyle Coach, Decor and Feng Shui Specialist, Public Speaker www.i-deal-lifestyle.com call (949) 709-7000 for a free 30 minute phone consultation to find out more about Self & Space Organization.  |
 Professional Organizer I-Deal-Lifestyle BlogMarla Stone is known as the Declutter Your Strategy™ expert. She holds a BA in Psychology and a Master’s in Social Work and is the founder of I-Deal-Lifestyle Inc., a strategy improvement company that bridges mental health, professional organizing, Feng Shui, and corporate performance.
Her work integrates home and business organizing, environmental design, C-level advising, training and development, employee wellness initiatives, and mental health consulting. Marla works with individuals, families, and corporations to improve clarity, productivity, emotional balance, and measurable growth. She is the author of The Clutter Remedy: A Guide to Getting Organized for Those Who Love Their Stuff and the creator of multiple corporate transformation programs focused on alignment, structure, and sustainable success. |
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