Why are there so many serial daters, divorces, parent/child episodes, and relationship drama resulting in less than satisfactory bonds? One reason is psychology secrets. Therapists and diagnosticians don't always tell you what is truly wrong with you. Also, the lack of accurate dual diagnosis diagnosticians in the mental health field leaves one patched up and not fixed for good. Understanding your personality disorder challenges is essential to understanding how to declutter your relationship strategies. Next is the use of impeding and non-assertive language, and not acknowledging, naming, and sharing feelings, and the lack of focus on an ideal lifestyle, and rather living a mundane one.
 
Improving relationships is an essential and healthy aspect of having a closer bond with yourself and other people. Relationship remedies created by Marla Stone, MSW provide a fresh perspective on improving relationships, leading to a more fulfilled life. The strategy's Stone has created focuses on all kinds of associations, such as the relationship with yourself, your partner, parent-child, friends, family, and business associates. Stone's background as a former psychoanalyst, home, business, and life organizer has given her experience in different mental and personality health challenges and how those can affect relationships and resolve them. Her relationship building programs draws from her broad knowledge of human interpersonal challenges and emotional blocks, Stone's creation of life and relationship remedies, and discusses how best to handle every relationship type and situation.
 
Stone's technique of having a "good picker" simplifies identifying which relationships are worth pursuing and which ones you want to keep at a distance. The most robust relationships always start with oneself, understanding and knowing what you truly value in life, what makes you happy, self-care, being organized, good communication skills with yourself and others, and a healthy belief system. Understanding oneself leads to a better understanding of any personal challenges that may disturb relationship processes with others. Having a "good picker" also depends on having criteria for ideal relationships. Picking the correct family, friends, and peers to engage is manageable for a peaceful and rejuvenating experience rather than laced with drama and chaos. Choosing people to associate with based on your understanding of their strengths and personal challenges is optimal for easy-going and helpful relationships.

Improving parent-child relationships is about having guidelines, responsibilities, and consequences for your children. It is optimal to establish healthy boundaries, follow-through, attentive to their dreams and goals. Allowing your children to know their self-worth and helping them hold the importance of criteria for the relationships they have is important for their well-being and autonomy. Improving your relationship with family and friends depends on having a standard for what you want in that relationship. Business relationships are similar to that of relationships with your children. Having a better relationship with your boss, coworkers, or employees requires boundaries, rules, consequences, communication, shared feelings, and validation. 
 
Mental and personality health challenges affect relationships and life itself. When not addressed with an understanding of the interpersonal dynamics, it will cause tremendous weariness and dissatisfaction. These prickly and unpleasant health disturbances will get in the way of productivity, intimacy, interactions with others, and dreams and goals.  Mental health and personality unruliness can be overlooked and not addressed, leaving unhealthy behavioral patterns to play out, causing upset and havoc in most situations. However, we often find ourselves faced with people of particular personality challenges that disrupt our life, happiness, and goals. To understand these obstacles, Stone has created fourteen different interpersonal challenges and how they will impact individuals, families, and businesses. She then explains how to help people heal these maladaptive aberrations that disturb their relationships with others and severely damage a chance of living a fulfilled life. Stone has developed a test through her business I-Deal-Lifestyle Inc. that is a highly accurate check of the  fragments of mental and personality challenges within the psyche, which will create maladaptive behavior patterns throughout life when not addressed. Once a person understands what innate personal challenges are causing them the most difficulty, they will learn how to replace them with healthier traits and see themselves clearly, while connecting to their inner voice, dreams, and goals.
 
The fourteen personal challenges Stone has identified are: boundary, rebellious, unbalanced, motivation, ego, obsessive, fear, memory, addiction, nervous, attention-seeking, dependency, rigid, and detached.  Stone has posed difficult personality blocks into commonplace non-threatening, and defined challenges. With some intervention, strategy, and desire to heal, any person disturbed by negative interpersonal health aspects can become a healthy life/relationship participant. The solutions for having a healthy, well-rounded character are simple, and a person can take a turn for the better quickly, efficiently, and with confidence.

​For more information visit www.i-deal-lifestyle.com
 

Top 10 Tips For Decluttering Your Home During Lockdown
Living in a lockdown situation will be unnerving. It will create some situational depression for many of you. Learning and utilizing coping strategies that work will make life, work and interaction with family and friends much easier. Understanding the idea that within your self you are truly free to remain creative, organized and focused is the most important factor to not feeling, “locked down.” There are many ways to stay free of depression symptoms, and remain driven and focused in the now and in your future endeavors. It is as simple as "willing" yourself to do the things you love to do, despite a government order to stay inside. "In my soul I am free" is the mantra to adopt in order to remain autonomous and connected into something much bigger than the world at large.

​Here are 10 Top Coping Strategies During Difficult Times
1.    Write a new goals list, even if you think you have one. Include every single thing that you want to do in life within the next three to five years. Go Big, Fairy Godmother Big!
2.    After writing your lofty goals, write three specific ways you will fulfill those goals.  For instance if you said build a new business, three specific ways to achieve them would be:

1. Write a business plan
2. Write a policy and procedures manual
3. Figure out the name of the business and buy domain and business license. 

3.    Next, write a criteria list for what kind of friends you want in your life. Write 30 things that you want in ideal friends. Go Big, Fairy Godmother Big! It is important to have supportive and loving friends in your life. Make sure you ask for unconditional love and regard from those friends during difficult times. Now is a great time to focus on developing healthy, and stabile support systems.
4.    Write 30 things you want in an ideal partner. Go Big, Go Fairy Godmother Big! Whether you are in a relationship or not, this is the time to evaluate your partner relationship. Settling for a so, so partner is not ideal. Understanding what you truly want in a partner takes some thought and insight. You owe your current partner and future partners the fact that YOU are clear on what you want in an ideal partner. Nobody is good at guessing what someone else wants out of life.
5.    Clear out any emotional clutter that is stirring around inside of you. Any past traumas, or unresolved negative aspects of yourself lead to cluttered decisions and difficult paths in life. Take the time to write a list of all the things in your life that hurt or wounded you. Then, use The Clearing and Healing™ techniques discussed in The Clutter Remedy: A Guide To Getting Organized For Those Who Love Their Stuff by Marla Stone, MSW. The strategy to heal and clear out those old “cobwebs,” is worth your time.
6.    Declutter any cluttered and sloppy spaces you have in your residence or business offices. Figure out storage solutions that will keep your space looking like a “model home,” or an "ideal" corporate executive space. Living, and working in a clear and uncluttered space lends to the creative processes you want to engage in, while in lock down mode. Read Chapter Three of The Clutter Remedy https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-clutter-remedy-marla-stone/1130791302 to gather ideas on how to get your space looking like something out of a magazine.

7.    Gain clarity on what makes you happy. Are you doing things in life that create drudgery? Are you a good delegator when it comes to off-shooting tasks that can be done by others, more capable and or willing? Are you noticing when you are in a rut, and don’t know how to stop the human-in-the-hamster-wheel affect? Recognizing that authentic happiness comes from having a vision of  what will make you happy makes the wheel go 'round faster and smoother. Figure out how to have the following things happen for you in life:
A.    An engagement in self exploration. 
B.    An ideal intimate relationship
C.    Ideal friends and social network
D.    An understanding of your purpose in the world. Why are you here? What are your spiritual beliefs? 
E.     Accepting yourself as healthy, happy and settled, no matter what state you are in.

8.    Love yourself. This is an old adage, but love yourself, and if you don’t, figure out why, and fix the things about yourself that you find unloveable. Do some digging around in uncomfortable memories or thoughts and get some outside help when you hit a wall.
9.    Get physically healthier, happier and have more fun. Working on youself with a concerted effort is your responsibility. It is not an overnight phenomenon. Stop blaming others for your own lack of self improvement. Nothing changes unless something changes.
10.    Plan places to travel to once lockdown is over, or find out where you can travel to during lockdown, safely. Traveling gives you a different 360 viewpoint of why you’re doing all the other things to improve your life. Traveling is relaxing and inspiring. Going on vacation is as important as all of the above. It is within the reprieve of taking time off that you will notice what you truly want to do with your life with objectivity and a full sense of freedom.


Marla Stone, MSW is the Declutter Your Strategy™ Expert  www.i-deal-lifestyle.com

Having multiple people under one roof, in small or big spaces is a creative process. With covid sanitation and distancing in mind, it can easily be done with some great Feng Shui principles and space planning tips.

Tip 1:

Don’t put desk up against the wall with back to entrance or front of room. Staring at a wall or even out a window, with back to entrance means events are always coming up behind your back, and things coming at you unexpectedly. It’s also poor space design. Placing your desk like the president’s desk, in the White House is the best position, with a bureau or shelves behind your desk. This is the power position. Also you can island your desk off any wall as long as you are facing the entrance or front of room. The desk can also face a wall as long as you see entrance or door of the room. The front of a room is always towards the front of the home or business main entrance. Also remember to not have your chair aligned with the entrance to a room. Too much airflow or energy coming at you from an open door is as much of a distraction as a view.

Tip 2:

Remove fake plants and get real plants with a self watering system. Plants are an amazing oxygen source and inspires creativity and growth. Make sure as plants grow, you replant in larger pots to promote growth and strength. Fake plants suck energy and are dust collectors anyway. Also, decorate each workspace with uplifting artwork and tchotchkes. Understand your today taste and remove anything that looks sloppy, dated or
mundane. Having an aesthetically appealing look, for you, and your family, or coworkers creates ambience and inspiring work.
​
Tip 3:

Stay focused for 30 minutes at a time. Set a timer for 30 minutes and remain dedicated to your homework, or business tasks. When you derail from your current project, the 30 minutes of time starts over. Getting up to go to the bathroom, eating or taking phone calls or spacing out is not staying on task. The timer will be reset when these interruptions occur. After 30 dedicated minutes end, always get up, stretch, go to the bathroom, eat and make personal phone calls, or kibitz with family or coworkers. Take 5-8 minutes in-between each 30 Minutes of focused work. Do whatever you like, in these off-minutes, yet always on your feet. This is very important for health reasons and you will avoid blood clots and poor circulation. These off minutes improve productivity and your energy and results in an increase in the creative work process.

Tip 4:

Organize your space. Details of How to organize your office like a professional is found in The Clutter Remedy: A Guide To Getting Organized For Those Who Love Their Stuff - order now on home page of this blog.

I don’t know about you, I’m not finding this new world we’re living in to be #thenewnormal. It is for me and my customers, #thenewabnormal

The new #corporateculture has been swished, swashbuckled and sanitized.

Here are three key outcomes for coping with #covidconsciousness, while going into your office or working from home:
1. You will be more comfortable choosing to mask or not.
2. You will you choose to live the most ideal lifestyle you can muster up, despite it all.
3. You will realize the answer to any angst you're experiencing is a stone’s throw away.

The first step for a great work / life balance, comes from inner sanctity and strength. Going with your #innervoice gets you to decide how to live in current #surreality. Deciding what helps you feel enthusiastic about your life, your loved ones and your work, instead of being trapped and depressed in your current state of mind, takes clear thinking, planning and drive.

When you’re hearing that this is #thenewnormal and you know it’s not, how will you handle change with grace and fortitude? The first step includes getting your own, personal convictions straight. Forming your own thoughts, and gathering your own information will give you stability. You always want to be informed correctly. Listening to your voice within, helps you gather your own well researched opinions about life.

Whether you decide to agree to obey regulations and requirements, or fight them is up to you. Yet, without a how and why about so many changes in the world, the unknown, for certain, will cause conflict across all areas of your life. Knowing your truth comes from within you, and following your dreams despite all the tumult, and understanding your goals and achievements, will keep you balanced instead of isolated, desperate and uncomfortable. The key is that inner happiness leads to outer happiness. It is that simple, and has been taught since time began.

The unknown mysteries of #covidconsciousness will creep up, causing sleep and appetite disturbances, irritability, decreased productivity and performance, with loss of motivation and focus. The covid #surreality will also cater to a whole new host of behavioral symptoms every employee and every employer does not want showing up at work, ever. Keeping your sanity, your self respect, and a kind side of you, uplifted, is of utmost importance.

Despondency, fear, panic, paranoia and obsessive thoughts can surface and be difficult to manage. Without support and healing to remedy these surly symptoms, your life dreams are forgotten. Getting help early, is a good idea when slipping down, at work or at home. How you cope is up to you. What interventions you use is at your discretion.

So, do you ignore everything in order to stay upbeat, relaxed and energetic? Do you perform #stayathome yoga, meditation, contemplation and chanting to get through #thenewabnormal ? Do you stayed glued to the mundane, droning, "zoomy," common culture of corporate work–life. Are you hinged to your desk or self motivated?

I suggest, self reliance and continuing to learn about your life and work interests, becoming an eternal optimist, instead of weighing out that everything will pass and go back to #theoldnormal ? Stay focused on the #thenewyou, while being relevant to your self, family, friends and work-life. It is more important than following the mentality and the ideas of world circumstances. You come first, and the world at large, is second. A fight for something great, and just always comes from thought, motivation and laborious movement. It is a work of art to change within and watch the world changing around you, simply from the conscientious decision to be purposeful.

Whatever you’re doing to self improve during difficult times, I know the second step to clarity and sanity is to get emotionally and physically decluttered. When emotions bundle up, spilling out into your #homeoffice, or at the workplace, no good work will be accomplished. When your physical #workspace is messy and awkward, no well thought out projects will turn out to be fulfilling, and or optimal.

Thirdly, to achieve your life and work goals change your language and include “I will” statements, instead of “I need” statements. The Changing Your Language course developed my me, will help you achieve your ideal life’s goals and visions, whatever realm they're in. The language program outlined in the book The Clutter Remedy: A Guide To Getting Organized For Those Who Love Their Stuff will help you realize what your actual needs are versus what you want and don't want in life.

Needs are air, food, water, shelter, sleep, elimination and sunlight, the seven things that keep you alive. Everything else is you want to do something or you don’t. You will or you won’t. Finishing projects, paying your mortgage, and communicating assertively, and professionally are not needs. You’ll either do them or not, despite all the tricks and barriers of our time.
It’s about inventing #thenewyou for #thenewtimes


www.i-deal-lifestyle.com
Dealing Out A Better Way To Live


#innovativecorporatetraining
#corporatedevelopment
#cleveltraining
#covidtraining
#businessownertraining
​

During this difficult period of sequestering, kids can become easily distracted, unfocused and difficult or disrespectful. When they start to misbehave, act out and are having appetite or sleep disturbance it is a good idea to start fresh on the rules, guidelines of the house and their behavior, responsibilities and the consequences for negative behavior. Consequences are take aways such as no phone, video games or television.
To be fair to your child getting everything listed on a chart helps everyone to understand what is expected.
Create a Chart with headings below and create lists under each category. 
RULES        RESPONSIBILITIES        CONSEQUENCES 

ONCE THE LISTS ARE AGREED UPON, HAVE THE CHILD SIGN THEIR CHART.

​When your child breaks rules, doesn’t fulfill their responsibilities it is time to warn them about the consequences. Giving your child a warning before taking the phone, video games, or tv programs away is only fair. Using assertive communication is the way to do it. Using “I feel” statements followed by assertive communication as described in “The Clutter Remedy: A Guide To Getting Organized For Those Who Love Their Stuff” is the simplest way to stop bad behavior in its tracks.

“When you tell a child they’re bad they will be bad. When you tell a child they’re good they will be good.” Marla Stone, MSW

The Clutter Remedy is a book I wrote to help people declutter negative emotions, clear and heal old wounds, and of course organize their homes and offices. The book shares easy strategies to stay organized and most importantly how to communicate as a family while sharing space respectfully. When there is inner chaos there will be outer chaos. The way a home is set up and kept is a reflection of the inner self. 

In the book I describe a strategy for communicating in a way that will change negative behavior into positive behavior within a weeks time. It is uncanny how it works and very effective especially for children. Here are some positive and negative examples of what this will sound like. Imagine a parent and child in which the parent is frustrated by a mess that is largely made by the child. Using assertive language and validation, the frustrated parent can say: 
I feel upset about the piles of paper all over the living room. I would like the papers to be moved elsewhere, so the living room remains neat. I know you are working hard and you are tired and have been working hard on your homework. I love you and know that you have good intentions and want an orderly home, too. In this example, the parent first describes their feelings using an “I” statement, rather than a “you” statement (such as, “you make me upset when . . .”). Using assertive language, the parent describes the reason for their feelings and the preferred outcome. Then they shift to validation: The parent expresses caring and understanding of the child, and validates the child’s good intentions. When a particular challenge can’t be immediately resolved, you will become more assertive in a respectful way and start to establish and maintain the boundaries and ultimately give out the consequences. Getting everyone on track and on the organizing train, and to be the conductor of their own life, takes insight, creative strategy, and know-how.
https://www.amazon.com/Clutter-Remedy-Guide-Getting-Organized/dp/B07ZZF2KTF
Order The Clutter Remedy Book Now

While kids and employees are being sent home, business and schools are closing down and a dreary cloud of doubt, dread and disdain hovers over you instead of delight, hopefulness and acceptance watch yourself and your loved ones. Protect yourself, not only from this creepy Corona Virus, but from sadness and depression, despondency and devestation. 

Watch yourself and your loved ones and those in passing for signs of depression which manifest as: appetite and sleep changes, isolation, hopelessness, irritability and rapid mood changes, thoughts of not having purpose or drive, decreased motivation to do things you usually love to do and most of all suicidal ideation. Watch over your elders, watch over your children and watch over your partner, friends and extended family. Check in regularly with those you care about and your neighbors. You want to make sure that they are safe and sound during this trying time.

Keep positivity in your heart to maintain your own stability and force in the world. The closing of schools and businesses should make your heart more open than ever to fun activities, love and harmony. Keep focused on keeping up with work and school assignments, and tune into brighter times ahead, and your dreams and your goals.

Keep sight of all that you love about life, bake cookies, move some furniture around, spruce up your garden. Get a new haircut, organize a desk drawer and your pantry, watch some comedy, and clear up chaos in your life and your space when that has been an issue for you. Working on clearing and healing old wounds that come up during this rough worldly dilemma is a great thing to focus on, since old trauma can color your current outlook on life in general.  Ask yourself why have I carried these old burdens around for so long?

The important thing is to be calm and focused, settled and undisturbed, relaxed and feeling love inside and most of all getting good rest and nutrition.

All things shall pass. This is not the apocalypse and even if that is the worst possible scenario, that we are all going to die, let's do it gracefully, let's do it with dignity. Let's not do it knocking down someone at the supermarket over toilet paper and a pack of water.

Marla Stone, MSW, Professional Lifestyle Organizer and Author of The Clutter Remedy: A Guide To Getting Organized For Those Who Love Their Stuff

The weirdest saying of all is "Think outside the box." Why would anyone want to think outside of a box? Boxes are so bulky and difficult to put together and take apart, plus they're not great for the environment. Boxes hide things from ourselves so much so we forget what we own, and what we cherish or abhor. Getting on top of a box, or what is called a "soap box" to air your point of view or postulate a belief was quite common in the old days, and now that's where a box can be useful, especially in today's world. Yet, simply thinking outside of a box makes no sense at all.

Boxes are the bane of many people's existence when they have been shoved, pushed around and remain unpacked or dealt with. That's why I don't suggest ever buying another box for the rest of your life especially when you move, unless of course you cannot afford the alternative, the clear plastic bin. In that case please don't purchase boxes. Go to Costco or Trader Joes or a local retail outfit and they will give you, for free perfectly good and clean boxes.

The most common way to pack for a move now is to use clear plastic bins which saves time and money compared to buying, putting together, marking up and taping, breaking down and disposing of boxes. Later, the plastic bins can be used for the garage, sold or donated after your move. Clear plastic bins are a great way to move everything especially when you will be storing things prior to re-locating. Also when you are going to have a storage unit, temporarily you can still see your stuff and have easy access during the moving process.

Having boxed in feelings such as stifled, drowning, trapped, and stalled does not lend to what I call an ideal lifestyle and that is what I want for you most of all. Not something close to ideal but ideal in a big way. When you don't live the life you dream about and you don't fulfill the goals you've set out for yourself it can lead to self disdain, bitterness, and a general hopelessness. This is no way to live. You can start to take out your feelings of self pity or woe on friends, family, co-workers and anyone you come across. Not okay! 

You and only you will determine what you truly want out of life, how your home and office will be kept and what kind of stuff and people you keep around you. Having a criteria for what you want in your life including family and friends is important. Just like boxes you want to remove toxic, selfish and impudent people from your life. Live freely, open and most of all healthy and happy.

Marla Stone, MSW Professional Lifestyle Organizer and Author of The Clutter Remedy: A Guide To Getting Organized For Those Who Love Their Stuff 
@ideal_organizer
www.i-deal-lifestyle.com

Do you know the difference between clutter and great stuff? Do you think clutter is a creature of habits, or just piles of stuff? However you look at clutter I know you don't want it all around you?

Clutter is in everyone's life, even if it's not messy or has become a mammoth amount. When you look through drawers, cabinets, closets you'll find it. Clutter is everything you own, that you don't fondle any longer, you no longer use it, and its been sitting around and ignored for years while good stuff is used, caressed and loved and adored.

The simple reason clutter collects and "clutter clusters" appear, year after year, is because you can't make up your mind about what is clutter and what is the good stuff to keep.

The only way to make heads or tails of clutter is to categorize everything you own first. Seeing all like with like and how much accumulation you have puts things into perspective. Then and only then will you see how much stuff has meaning or no meaning at all and you will be motivated to part with clutter once and for all. Although engaging in a processes of identifying emotional clutter is the first place to start.

Emotional Clutter is symbolic of things in your life that you disregard, ignore, and push around in your mind; all the things in life that bother you. Emotional clutter are symbolic of memories you have forgotten, things that you covered up, and experiences you don't want to acknowledge. When this happens emotions and negative feelings spill into and soil your physical environment. Your outer space becomes a reflection of your inner turmoil.

Get clear on your emotional clutter with The Clutter Remedy™
​https://www.amazon.com/Clutter-Remedy-Guide-Getting-Organized/dp/1608686299

Call now for a free 15 minute consultation. Get clear on clutter once and for all. Learn about manifesting an ideal lifestyle
949-709-7000

Happy New Year 2019! You made it through the holidaze, yay! I suppose you created a New Year's resolution, correct? Well if so that's all great, but did you know if you're not really specific when writing out the resolutions, they may not stick. First, writing out your realizations from the year 2018 may be more helpful than you will ever realize! When you work on your realizations from the past year you will take inventory of all the great, good, and bad things that you experienced. Take a gander back into 2018 and see what worked and what did not work. To identify what you want to work on in this following year it is smart to know specific things to work on, so you're not just blowing smoke into the wind.  When you realize things that went sour, or south, in 2018, it may be a good thing to work on specific behaviors to make sure you are going forward, instead of staying stuck, or at worst going backwards, down the rabbit hole again. You don't want to repeat the same mistakes or fumbles that created havoc in your life, again. Working on losing weight, drinking and eating less, finding a new job, writing a book, while all worthy causes, are so common that it may be more of a whim wish than a practical goal. Working on things that are measurable is much easier to achieve and will make you happier in the long run. Mending broken relationships, if they are with people that are very stable and supportive is a great idea. Working on repairing relationships with people who have never been supportive or helpful, bad idea. 

The goal for resolutions is that they will solve things, and improve your everyday life. I think breaking up the resolutions quarterly may be a smarter choice than making big goals that you have an entire year to meet or not meet. So pick some grounded goals for the next 3 months. Achieve those goals and then make some more goals every 3 to 4 months. Breaking up the year and what you wish for in behavioral changes is much more practical than working on monumental achievements to be reached by the end of an entire year. It is a good idea to be kind to yourself even when you're not focusing and acheiving goals. Getting down on yourself will not be motivating for accomplishing anything.

Also, while being kind to yourself, be kind to others, but don't be a door mat either. Standing up to injustice or mistreatment is a strong willed behavior, and being strong willed is a good thing. When you cower to injustice you start to feel awful about yourself, and life. Choose jobs, people, friends and family that are supportive, have your back, and lift you up. Stay away from anyone that puts you down, or is not there for you.

The other things I recommend for 2019 is to do something different, and do something new, that you have never done before. Challenge yourself, not with risk taking or jumping out of plane, necessarily, but something that you've been saying you want to do, for a long time now,and do it!

Marla Stone, Author, Organizer and Creator of The Clutter Remedy™ 
Follow Marla on ​https://www.instagram.com/idealorganizer/