Long Term Clutter Challenges Cured with New Language by Marla Stone, Professional Organizer Southern California
Our language, I believe whole heartedly is the key to our disorganized behaviors. How is language linked to behavior you may ask? The answer is quite simple. We, as humans are part computer. Whatever comes out of your mouth is the input into the computer of your driver, which in psychological terms is the subconscious process. The subconscious part of us processes our verbalization and actually puts into motion our behavior. We are not very complicated human beings until you get to spirit, soul, God, or whatever you believe brought us here in the first place, evolution, spark, being or whatever you may want to call it. It is the intangible part that is more complicated. Other than that we are flesh, emotion and brain. The brain is where language comes from, and what we speak is the code to create behavior.
When someone uses improper language sentences the brain accepts it immediately. The message arrives also immediately to the subconscious or driver part of our brain, and our being as well, and those parts either accept what we say or it rejects what we say, good or bad.
So there are three key language challenges occurring on a regular basis which is confusing the driver part of us, freezing our will to the very core of ourselves, creating severe procrastination, follow-through challenges, diminished motivation and a sense of futility for reaching goals and dreams.
1. Confusion between need phrases such as a "I need", "I have to", "I must" and "I gotta" versus "I want" and "I will".
We use "I need" phrases so frequently and for things that are not necessity so much that we believe everything is a need. Need actually means necessity - air, food, water, sleep, shelter, elimination and sunlight, the 7 essential things that keep us alive. Everything else is a "want" or "don't want", a "will" or a "won't.
We start most sentences with "I need" or "I have to" or "I must" or "I gotta". In a matter of a 10 minute conversation we say, on average, 10 "I Need" statements. We have eliminated, altogether, "I will" phrases or even "I want" phrases. "I'm going to" is also a "will" statement.
Need phrases cause extreme pressure on our emotional bodies, creating frenzied and overwhelmed feelings. Need phrases also cause humans to NOT focus or fulfill actual needs of improved breathing, nutrition, fluid intake, dressing properly, living clutter and dust free, eliminating bowels and urinary tract regularly and healthily and we are vitamin D deprived according to doctors across the world.
2. We use indecisive language every two to three sentences. "I tried" or "i'll try" being the most used indecisive statements. Other indecisive statements most common now are "kinda", "sorta", "if", "but", "when", "probably". "maybe", "soon", "I'll think about it", "we'll see", "someday", "sometime", "most likely", "should", and "could".
We use indecisive language because we have not realized whether we want to do something, or not, or whether we want something or not. We, as humans, are not well thought out beings. We rarely know what we value in life until we slow down and think about our true purpose, dreams and goals.
Indecisive language causes confusion about what we truly value in life, our goals not being fulfilled, incomplete projects, wear and tear on the emotional body, decreased motivation and procrastination.
3. We do not use adjectives or "feeling words" any longer. We say "I feel like" or "I feel that" followed by a thought. We are afraid to share feelings and disguise our feelings as thoughts. We are afraid to actually say what we know or even what we think and disguise it as a feeling, but without the actual feeling.
This lack of identifying and naming feelings, or saying what we know or think has created a very robotic type of human, going through life without lots of opinions but no actual solid belief system that we voice. We also are extremely disconnected from human feelings. Feelings are like nature. Feelings do not stop coming but we negate them by not naming and processing the feelings, we simply form an opinion about who we believe caused them. It is a form of not owning feelings. It is a form of not recognizing where the feeling first originated.
Change your language and change your behavior patterns from being chronically disorganized to being chronically organized. Call 949-709-7000 for a free language coaching session and to learn more about I-Deal-Lifestyle's proprietary methods for getting and staying organized long-term.
We serve orange county, los angeles, san diego, san francisco and beyond. Call for more information about www.i-deal-lifestyle.com
Marla earned her BA in Psychology and a Master's in Social Work and is the founder of I-Deal-Lifestyle, a Self and Space Organization Service.