"I need", "I need", "I need", "I need", also known as "I have to", is todays most popular human phrase known to man. I hear "I need" in most conversations every time I have one. We are NEEDLING ourselves to death! Also the other favorite saying is "I feel", but unfortunately it is never followed by a feeling (adjective), but rather a thought. Our use of the English language is wallowing in need and feeling for better language skills. Could it be we are losing our ability to communicate due to our infatuation with TV and Computer Based Social Networking and games?
We ONLY need to BREATHE, EAT, DRINK, SLEEP, GO TO THE BATHROOM, AND HAVE SHELTER. We can ONLY feel feelings or materials. When we are talking about "feely" feelings though we are talking about adjectives or three main categories, HAPPY, SAD, MAD. Happy, sad and mad are pretty huge headings and there are thousands of adjectives that fall underneath them. So why are our language skills narrowing down to "I need" to go shopping, clean up, get the laundry done, go to the market, call a friend, get the mail and take the kids out for ice cream. Why can't we either want to or not want to do those chores? Well probably because "we feel" we have to, instead of feeling overwhelmed, frustrated, unmotivated or excited, enthused or crazed about our day's plans.
Could we be mind fogged and not speaking our thoughts out correctly because we are addicted to the mindLESS. Perhaps we are losing our language skills due to too much television, Facebook, EBAY, Craigslist, Video Games, fear of intimacy, inability to know what we feel and or what we actually want or don't want. Are we stuck in a groove? Are you feeling groovy when you are in a virtual space?
While I was a therapist for a very long time I coped with television after a long day of seeing clients.
I hadn't stepped into the Facebook, EBAY, or any of the Viral Realms yet. I was addicted to my shows, all taped on my taperoo thingy. NO COMMERCIALS made it so easy, and saweet for my favorites.
I would feel my heart beat when the theme songs would start, Medium, House, the Detective Shows, even Antiques Road show. Oprah was MY "therapist", and Dr. Phil, well he was either correct or incorrect in my book....as he did say "I feel" a lot and didn't follow up with an adjective and on other days he really gave it to the people straight. I didn't even have to watch the news because The View broke it down. I knew I was in trouble when I added Desperate Housewives to the repetoire. Day after Day sitting in my therapist chair, and night after night on the big couch with the clicker, changer...whatever you call it. I saw someone else's lives passing before my eyes, but I was happy in TV Land.
When I decided to change my profession I knew I would WANT to stop watching TV. I didn't HAVE to since no one was going to take my TV away or put me on restriction. I wanted to stop since I knew that I WANTED a LIFE, I didn't HAVE to get one! So it went something like this. Stopped watching TV, found EBAY and sold a bunch of stuff I wasn't using and because I didn't WANT the stuff anymore. But first I had to realize I didn't NEED the stuff. Then I found YOUTUBE.com, learned about how to apply makeup and any other possible subject I thought of, until I realized I could go into YOUTUBE land. Stopped YOUTUBE cold turkey and then found FACEBOOK. Wow real friends? on FACEBOOK, virtually. Amazing, drawn in immediately....I found everyone on the planet I could think of and they were there and I could connect. Marvelous until I'm bleary eyed and can't think of another person to contact. Now left with a virtual experience of friendship but like the voyeur in all of us still mesmerized. I realized though that I WANTED a time limit so I could still continue to grow my new business, write, public speak and most of all act....all that comprises my "actual life".
At this stage in the game my values are the same as they have always been. I want to help myself grow, stay healthy, be happy, and I want to help others do the same. I really love to live my life, have a great partnership, have goals, create a wonderful daily life, be creative, see my real life friends, make new real life friends, visit family, go on vacations, walk and play with my dog. Pretty simple, but it is what I want. What I don't want is to hear people tell me what they NEED or HAVE to do if it is not life threatening. I want people to tell me what they WANT OR DON'T WANT TO DO and how they feel with feelings not thoughts. I also love people to share their thoughts. Those are the real conversations that make me feel whole, connected, joyous and fulfilled. So study what you want or don't want in your life and how you will achieve it all and GET YOUR FEELINGS STRAIGHT AND YOUR LIFE WILL STRAIGHTEN OUT!
Marla Stone, Professional Organizer, Lifestyle Coach, Feng Shui and Decor Specialist, Author, Actress
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Marla earned her BA in Psychology and a Master's in Social Work and is the founder of I-Deal-Lifestyle, a Self and Space Organization Service.