Jealousy, the wild riptide emotion that tears you up inside and snarls apart once fun and loving relationships, is one of the most devastating and harmful of all emotional tirades one can experience. Jealousy causes irrational and wobbly impulse schemes, blaming shenanigans, and histrionic waves of distrust, disregard, and damage control. These often delusional and unruly behaviors will shut doors in faces, click-off phones, and block social activity similarly to all socially unacceptable life responses, such as intrusion, racism, antisocial and violent acts. Yet, unlike the latter, jealousy with a scoop of intellect and pound of understanding will ideally be met with a more caring and accepting approach. If you cannot see past someone's blind bashed feelings, are you also part of the problem?
Jealousy is a deep pocket sewn into the most fragile part of the emotional body. It triggers tail-chasing instability laced with threads of desertion, neglect, and betrayal. The button sign that says unwelcome or sayonara is often met with reels of rejection, flames of furry, and a backlash flight or fight tizzy going out of control. Then coming in like a tidal wave is unwanted rage and devastating longing for what once was inclusion.
It's like a kick to the jaw and a boot to the heart
all at the same time.
Whether the stranding or jilting is done with fair or unfair treatment, the tsunami swells, bubbling up torrid resentment strewn towards all involved, and toppling and swirling everyone everywhere.
So, what creates zealous jealously in some and not others. The key is, the jealous person feels massively unloved and then sordid, stubborn, and angry about it. Feeling unloveable is the primary, more profound, and darker feeling of jealousy. The scathed and abandoned part of someone stems from unresolved childhood issues, having nothing to do with the victim of the possessive, grasping, glomming hands from the distraught loser of victory, friendship, love, or award.
A jealous person is the ultimate loser of everything from relationships to careers to life experiences. Jealousy is a sheath for disappointment, loss, grief, and painstaking confusion. It twinges with psychotic pain like that from losing a loved one when you're not ready to lose, and it sneaks up beside you, shaming you down.
Unlike envy which is light and green with admiration, devotion, and revere, jealousy seethes into the sleeves of despair, despondency and turns up a downtrodden disappointment in the coating of one's life.
So, how do you want to handle someone who has come off the handle, so off-keel, that they would kneel before you with regret one minute and spit you away from the next?
Remember whether the outright dismissal is for good or bad reasons. Do you want to make the person disappear, or in a sense, die from your life altogether? Do you want to kick them further to the edge when they walk the narrow path on the wrong side of the road? Do we up our arms and walk away without a care? Well, I guess that depends on whether that person was worthy of your friendship from the beginning!
My suggestion is to bring people into your life with the art of discrimination. That way, when people in your life misbehave, you will make good decisions about who to keep around and who to eliminate. People, unlike objects, can't be tossed, thrown, or donated. That is why you want to be discriminating in choosing friends. Like friends, shells on a beach are not all going to be picked up and brought home with you. Figure out 30 things you want in ideal friends and partners. Write a list and go big, fairy God-Mother big. That way, when someone acts out and gets ugly, it is so much easier to lend a hand or lock the door. Whatever you choose, please do it with cups of love and tinctures of compassion!
Marla Stone is the author of The Clutter Remedy: A Guide To Getting Organized For Those Who Love Their Stuff and owner of www.i-deal-lifestyle.com